Johnny, get off the hook on ‘Limpet’
Dear Johnny Depp,
Has it really come to this?
An article in Tuesday’s Hollywood Reporter talked about the fact that, while you’ve got “Public Enemies” in theaters and Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland” in the can (along with “The Rum Diaries” and “The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus”), none of your other prospective projects was coming together.
Then it started listing them – and the first title on the list was a remake of “The Incredible Mr. Limpet,” a 1964 movie in which Don Knotts played a man who was transformed into a talking fish.
And a new “Lone Ranger” film – in which you would play Tonto. And a remake of the vampire soap opera “Dark Shadows.” And “Pirates of the Caribbean 4.”
I recognize that Hollywood ran out of original ideas years ago – and that it’s suffering some sort of massive brain bleed this summer with “Transformers 2” and “Land of the Lost.”
But I always assumed that you, Johnny Depp, had a little more integrity – and taste – than this.
OK, “Pirates 4” makes a certain financial sense, even though the series ran out of steam after the first one. An eight-figure paycheck – and infinite residuals – are hard to pass up.
But “The Incredible Mr. Limpet”? This was a movie that stank on ice when it was fresh.
Is this what you now aspire to? Remaking the Don Knotts oeuvre? What’s next: teaming up with, oh, I don’t know, Nicolas Cage to reboot “The Apple Dumpling Gang”?
Look, I understand you doing the “Pirates” movies. You can never own too many Caribbean islands or villas in France and you’ve got to pay for them somehow.
But “The Incredible Mr. Limpet”?
That’s not just sad – that’s pathetic. It’s disgusting that anyone would consider remaking this POS – but that you would consider starring? Even having your name mentioned in the same sentence with a movie like that puts you squarely in Nicolas Cage country: as an outstandingly adventurous actor who has abandoned interesting work for the mega-million-dollar payday.
Dollars? Try dolor.
C’mon, Johnny – those first three “Pirates” movies will pay your way for the rest of your life – and the last one flat-out sucked. You’ve got more money at this point – assuming you’re not as idiotic with your finances as Eddy Curry of the Knicks – than you (or your children) could spend in a lifetime. Now is the time to take chances and put your weight behind those great little indy films that otherwise would never get made – or seen – without someone like you coming in and doing them for scale.
And I’m not talking about “Shantaram,” a film I’d dearly love to see (Mira Nair was set to direct, before it fell apart because of the writers’ strike). But I’ll bet you could get that project back on track if you wanted to. It would certainly be a more worthwhile use of your time than “The Incredible Mr. Limpet.”
I mention Cage for a reason. Before he became Jerry Bruckheimer’s bitch, Cage was an odd, daring actor who made his share of big-budget bombs (“Trapped in Paradise,” “Amos and Andrew”) but mixed it up with smaller, riskier movies (“Red Rock West,” “Wild at Heart”). He won his Oscar for “Leaving Las Vegas,” as much of an outsider movie as you’ll find. But once he had the Oscar in his hands, it was time to cash in, doing one crappy, high-concept action film after another.
At this point, Cage is a punchline for jokes about bad movies. He’s an actor whose presence in a film almost guarantees that it lacks credibility – sort of like Michael Caine in his prolific mid-1970s/mid-1980s period. Remember “The Swarm”? “The Hand”? “Blame It On Rio”?
Yes, Johnny, we forgave you for “Secret Window” and “Nick of Time” and the last two “Pirates” movies – because you also did “Ed Wood” and “Sweeney Todd” and “Donnie Brasco.” That’s where you belong. You’re better than this.
Let Nicolas Cage play “The Incredible Mr.Limpet.” I’m sure he will if it’s offered to him.
You’ve got bigger fish to fry.
July 23rd, 2009 at 3:26 pm
The old Don Knotts movie you are raving about is not on Johnny’s list of “things to do.” Why not do a little research for the truth, instead of reading tabloid silliness as a basis for your reporting. He made a joke about Carol Channing in his recent publicity jaunt for Public Enemies and now it’s being called a “done deal” as his next project. As for the Hollywood Reporter article…that was a space filler with very few actual facts. Amazing.
July 23rd, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Great article!
You’ve been linked at http://www.bitterbalcony.com/content/say-it-aint-so-johnny-depp-courtesy-hollywood-fine
I also agree on Nicholas Cage. Once great now boring and miscast.
July 23rd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
This is the reason I hate failed actors. They turn into critics and editorialists who reek of jealousy. You know what? Johnny Depp doesn’t need the money, as you pointed out. It stands to reason he’s doing these projects (except LIMPET & the Carol Channing biopic, which were *JOKES* that the media ran away with), because he wants to have FUN. And he likes making people smile.
I think we have plenty of indie films out there for people like you who take entertainment too seriously. Take my advice, scuttle back to your postbox, pick up your Netflix and stop looking like a jealous little pr*** because you’re unpopular and don’t know the meaning of the word “entertainment.”
July 24th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Your open letter is absurd. Outside the Pirates franchise and perhaps Charlie (Wonka) he’s never explored the “sell-out” route in selecting his films. (And Pirates was not even in that category. He almost got fired for his take) As another poster noted, look at his career resume on IMDB or BOM. And if you’ve followed him, (or Burton) at all you know the jokes, smirks and winks associated with their press junkets. I would like to see him continue to explore opportunities w/o Burton, but he’s always gonna give you quality. You’re an idiot. But I must admit I’ll keep reading you. Just shore up!!
July 28th, 2009 at 2:01 am
Well, take that Mr Fine.
August 7th, 2009 at 11:06 am
“But “The Incredible Mr. Limpet”?
I would agree with the author that this would be sad and pathetic. But I would prefer to get confirmation that this is the case before I go slagging off him off. I hardly think it fair that the author of this article is taking the stance he is. Depp has made some exceptional films over the years prior to POTC, during and since. To say he could get ‘shantaram’ back on track is just showing ignorance on a grand scale. Stop being so judgemental on Depp let the man make the films he wants to make. And who are you to question what ANYONE want to aspire to. If you don’t like what he is doing it simple don’t watch the films.
August 7th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Wow…..finally a commentary about the \reality\ of the film world today. When is enough going to be enough. Remakes and trilogies out right bore me to a state of absolute pathetic regard to our American Film Venue. By choice I have leaned toward more of an obsession/love for foreign films. And yes, I too have become somewhat disenchanted with Mr. Depp as the artist I respected him for.
August 7th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
I think losers like you have nothing to do but criticize talented people like Johnny.
My advice to YOU would be GET A LIFE MORON!!!
August 8th, 2009 at 1:46 am
Mr. Fine, I’m shocked you’d give any credence to the “Incredible Mr. Limpit” rumor. Sure, it’s on the list. Right after “The Michael Jackson Story” and “The Life and Times of Carol Channing.” Get a grip, man. A whole column? Really?
August 8th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Mr. Limpit was a crazy rumor, and there is no validity to it. Although Nick Cage would be a good choice for that re-make!
Depp has made a great many “non-commercial” films in his career, and he will doubtless continue to do so from time to time.
What is wrong with doing films that people enjoy? Not every film has to be dark and deep to be legitimate. He’s in a different stage of his life now — his personal angst has been replaced with happiness and a deep contentment with his lady and their children. His talents can be applied to films with more light without being a sell-out.
August 9th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Pirates was a big sell out and if a fourth is really in the works then it is a sad state. I don’t see how having a long time partner and children is an excuse for making one messy film after another! Let him make home movies for them.
An audience goes to the theatre for good films and to get their money’s worth!
I would not go to see a film just because Johnny Depp is in it. And Pirates is just a cash cow that hopefully will dry up at the next milking.
August 9th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
First off, you have absolutely no right to criticise Johnny Depp for nay film he chooses to make. The man has paid his dues and has earned the right to do whatever film he wants to do. He has his reasons that are no business to you or anyone else but him and his family. Secondly, all those films you mentioned are rumors, speculations, and hear-says. No definite truth to any of them. So get your facts straight before you talk trash on an actor and artist at the calibur that Johnny Depp is. Bottome line…you really have no idea that the hell you are talking about.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I love mr. Limpet!