‘Burlesque’: It’s ‘Showgirls’ bad
It’s been a while since I’ve seen a stinker as obvious as “Burlesque.” As a colleague and I noted afterward, it made us long for something as coherent and restrained as “Showgirls.” Or “Glitter.”
Not that there’s all that much difference. “Burlesque” is like “Showgirls” without the redemptively gratuitous sex and nudity. Or “42nd Street” without the originality.
The films stars Christina Aguilera as Ali, a small-town girl in Iowa who ditches her waitress job in the empty diner and boards a one-way bus to Hollywood. Not, however, before she locks the diner door, pulls the shades, drops a coin in the junkebox and busts out a full-throated version of Etta James’ “Something’s Got a Hold on Me” while the opening credits roll.
A word about Aguilera: She seems to flatter herself that she is an heir to James’ tradition; besides this song, she has a version of James’ signature song, “At Last,” floating around on YouTube. But the woman has no soul or emotional connection to her material. Aguilera singing “At Last” is a little like Michael Bolton singing “Nessun Dorma.” Or a trained bear dancing ballet. It’s interesting to see the bear dance – but you’ll never confuse it with Baryshnikov.
In this film, written and directed by Steve Antin, Aguilera’s Ali has all the usual signposts of plucky ambition: no father, a mother who died when she was 7. She’s apparently been a waitress in Iowa since then – until she flees for Sunset Boulevard and the welcoming arms of Hollywood’s only burlesque club.
Yes, and it’s run by Cher and it owes a ton of money on a balloon mortgage payment. And it has a lead performer (Kristen Bell) who drinks too much – and another who just found out she’s pregnant. Plenty of room for an ambitious young out-of-towner like Ali to worm her way to the top: first as a waitress, then as a member of the kick line, finally as a featured performer – who then goes on to break out of the club’s format of having performers lip-synch songs, by belting out a song in her own voice when the d.j. equipment fails mid-act.
Cher, who looks like her face last had working musculature circa 1990, plays the one-time star and club owner. She still steps out and takes the lead on the occasional number, though when she does, it makes it awfully easy to mistake this burlesque club for a drag establishment. The club, meanwhile, seems to offer its own nightly version of “Cabaret,” because it’s drenched in entertainment styles that went out of fashion before television was a household appliance.
Stanley Tucci is Cher’s gay, wise-cracking costume guy, stage manager and best friend. Peter Gallagher is Cher’s ex-husband and now business partner, whose sole function appears to be sounding the alarm every 15 minutes or so that the club is about to go belly-up financially.
Cam Gigandet is the bartender who befriends Ali and even gives her a place to stay when her hotel room is ransacked. He registers to her as gay to start, reveals that he is in fact straight, then spends the rest of the movie alternately mooning over Ali, bedding Ali, losing Ali and rewinning Ali. His only competition is Eric Dane, as the millionaire developer who wants to buy the club so he can build a high-rise office tower.
The script is free of credible friction or jeopardy. The club shows look like post-Bob Fosse knock-offs. There’s nary a surprise to be had, except for Aguilera’s apparent misconception that she has acting talent. And that’s not really so surprising.
Thanks to “Burlesque,” we now have the answer to the question “Which film ended the film careers of both Christina Aguilera and Cher?” So all is not for naught.
November 23rd, 2010 at 3:23 pm
Here’s how I feel about reviews……they’re a dime a dozen. Everyone likes different things so I’ve never put alot of faith in someone telling me \yay\ or \nay\ on my movie choices. I do enjoy reading reviews, but tend to favor the ones that review the actual movie instead of making \cheap shots\ at the actors or actresses involved. To criticize the acting is one thing (that is a reviewer’s job), but to criticize Cher’s face, well, that’s BLASPHEMY.
) Personally, I don’t think she’s ever looked better. To the reviewer…..Marshall Fine……from the looks of your picture on \Rotten Tomatoes\ you’re not really in a position to judge one’s looks. Maybe you should take the advice in one of Cher’s hits, \turn back time\ and have a few nips and tucks yourself.
November 23rd, 2010 at 5:23 pm
Surely you are not an Aguilera fan. More, I can even say that you hate her. This critic didn’t tell me anything about the movie, and neither helped me choosing if I’d like to watch it. That’s why today the critics don’t say anythng.
November 23rd, 2010 at 6:19 pm
“But the woman has no soul or emotional connection to her material” – stopped reading after this. Etta herself said Christina covers her songs the best.
November 24th, 2010 at 10:57 pm
I’m not saying I agree with this Simon Cowell wannabe,but this movie did look better when it was called “SHOWGIRLS”.
The only real difference is SHOWGIRLS showed a little more skin.
I advise ANYONE reading this post to go see “Harry Potter” two more times,then check out “TRON:LEGACY”.
I pause for your reply.
November 24th, 2010 at 11:14 pm
I read reviews but they don’t often influence my decision to attend or not attend a movie…everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Some of the best reviewed films of the past 20 years I have found to be slow, boring, badly written and just plain tedious. Perhaps that explains who so many critical darlings didn’t even make back their production costs. It seems that many reviewers want to demonstrate how “cerebral” they think that they are when in reality, movies should be about entertainment value whether they include a socially concious message or not.
Do I think that Christina Aguillera is a great actress? I don’t know as I haven’t seen the movie. Do I think that she is a great singer? Definitely. As Justin Timberlake stated recently, “she has the most powerful voice of this generation.”
As I recall a lot of critics didn’t like Moulin Rouge either but that didn’t stop millions from enjoying it.
And by the way, what actual “burlesque” club has this reviewer ever been to?
November 25th, 2010 at 4:11 am
“But the woman has no soul or emotional connection to her material”
I am SOOOO glad I am not the only person who didn’t drink the kool-aid! Christina has a voice, yes, but nothing behind it- the “Soul” the reviewer speaks of is what makes good singers LEGENDS. You will never hear someone covering Christina’s material 20 years from now. With that said, she should stick to trying to cement her singing legacy & leave the acting to the real actors….
November 25th, 2010 at 1:46 pm
I love that movie reviewers like yourself find it necessary to take cheap shots at the actors, like criticizing Cher’s face. As Cher said on Will and Grace, “Hunny, get a life!”
November 25th, 2010 at 4:18 pm
Whenever a critic rattles on about how bad a movie is – I make a point to go see it myself. 95% of the time I really like the movie and rate the “review” as a bunch of crock! However, to each his own – so bypass the critic’s review and enjoy the movie.
November 25th, 2010 at 4:22 pm
Chicago…it’s Not.
November 25th, 2010 at 5:13 pm
This movie was GREATTTTTTTTTTTT. DO NOT LISTEN TO SO CALLED….critics. Awesome! Loved the music, wasn’t even a big Christina fan until now. Go see it, very entertaining!
November 26th, 2010 at 12:03 am
What!!!! I LOVED it!
November 26th, 2010 at 6:33 am
“As Justin Timberlake stated recently, “she has the most powerful voice of this generation.”
Wow, praise coming from a no-talent hack like Timberlake is supposed to convince me Aquillera is a great singer? I don’t think so.
November 26th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
I thought the movie was great.it was fun refreshing and upbeat.I almost wanted to get up and dance.Anyone who thought that Christina didn’t deliver stellar vocals or Cher didn’t hit the mark needs to clean out the earwax.Was it Oscar material,no.Was it worth seeing,definetly yes.
November 26th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
I enjoyed the movie. I’m not a critic but for an evening out with my daughters I can’t imagine enjoying any movie more. The music was great the dancing was fun and the costumes were beautiful. Cher is always enjoyable to watch, no matter what she does and my daughters even had to admit she could act.
November 26th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
I agree with Marshall Fine.
The movie if you want to call it like that, is bad and a misfits. I saw it at a private screening days ego.
Tired to see singers who wants to act and are not able to do so.
Cher and Christina are always the same, boring, nothing new about their performances.
Nothing striking about this burlesque like almost all the movies that i saw lately.
Superficially bad, bad scripts.
I don’t want even start writing about showgirls.
One of the worst movie ever made. Vulgar and cheap
November 26th, 2010 at 11:29 pm
This 73-year old dancer enjoyed Burlesque no end. The music had a terrific beat (maybe old-fashioned but our generation danced to music like that a hell of lot better than what passes for dancing I see in the clubs today. I loved Christina’s raw and passionate singing. You think the acting is any better in those utterly boring action movies?
November 27th, 2010 at 1:27 am
I really wish more critics were as blatently honest as this one. I expected as much from this movie as was written! I pity the poor author that had to watch this movie just to review it. Your endurance deserves a level of respect not granted in todays times!!
November 27th, 2010 at 4:38 am
I saw the film with my wife. I didn’t know anything about it. It’s a chick flick but I thoroughly enjoyed it. The reviewer takes himself too seriously. He probably thought, “The Kids are Alright” was a work of art.
November 27th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
I loved the movie, the music, the dance and yes the acting! Furthermore, it’s the type movie I will go see again as I found it to be very entertaining!!!!
November 28th, 2010 at 3:35 am
My husband and I went and saw tthe movie today and loved it beginning to end. I couldn’t even read more then a few lines of your review. Everyone in the theatre came out today talking very highly of the film and smiling. Are you sure you went to see the same movie????? Maybe you just didn’t feel well that day??? We will see this movie again.
November 29th, 2010 at 12:33 am
You forgot to add she has no singing talent, unless you consider the roller-coaster singing style of the old Star Search show, where every contestant sounded like a male or female Tarzan. Her “belting” has the subtlety of a Mack truck hitting a love bug, and that bizarre thing she does with her fingers on a microphone makes elephants and giraffes nervous lest she come close to their private parts.
Xtina fills those sheep who follow anyone that everyone calls “talent” witha pablum diversion in their pathetic lives. These sheep wouldn’t know talent if it hit them in the ears.
December 8th, 2010 at 11:37 am
BURLESQUE almost put this insomniac to sleep. The only part with heart was when Cher breaks a car window. Tucci reprises his role in The Devil Wore Prada. Aguilera has a strong voice, but it’s all sound and no feeling, and starts to grate. The story has zero tension, drama, sexiness, or originality (SHOWGIRLS had it way over this movie in those areas). We never see the club’s audience react to the shows, so we don’t even know why the club is worth saving. The movie gives the impression that showbiz people are all wonderful and generous except for one mildly mean dancer, yet even she’s not so bad. The sharky real estate developer is a nice guy too. Ali is an instant star–just add glitter–who just happens to know the steps to “all the dances” though there’s no hint of her interest in burlesque when the movie starts. You wonder why she bothered going to LA the way she did, instead of sending out audition tapes to places from Iowa. There’s no struggle, need for rehearsing, no self-doubt or need for any. Ali’s ambition doesn’t go beyond performing at this club. She constantly magically saves the day for all involved without smearing her mascara. The actors are likeable, which kept me from walking out once the noise woke me up. But hey, if you can’t see dancers sweat, they might as well be CGI.
December 9th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
This is a movie that begged not to be made. The whole idea is so contrived and cliched that its been done a million times before and always better. If we are lucky, the reviewer is correct, we will never have to suffer through another Cher or Aguilera cinematic waterboarding session again.
December 9th, 2010 at 7:25 pm
This movie sucked so bad I’m having nightmares about it!!!!!!
December 10th, 2010 at 1:11 am
I’m sorry if i laugh about your “comments” or so called “criticism” apparently it is very obvios somebody has sent you to write about “burlesque’ in a very hattress and envious way, it is very funny how you critizies the movie, when just reading your comments was sooooo!!! boring that nobody finish reading it! I enjoyed the movie and many others that i had spoke to, by the way, not only timberlake said that Christina Aguilera has the most powerful voice of this generation, but many other artist and actors and talk show hosts, has praised Christina and everybody has noticed her talent, the beautiful voice, and great songs she has sang, I wonder where were you that you miss those comments?? Christina is an American girl succesful, professional and talented!! CHER is a LEGEND and CHRISTINA is a STAR!! believe me you look soooo!!!! pathetic next time please don’t let nobody use you, and pleaseee get another job!!!TALKING ABOUT CHER’S FACE ? YOU FORGOT TO LOOK AT THE MIRROR!! i wish you good luck on you new job, miracles do happen!!.
December 10th, 2010 at 3:05 am
I don’t care what anyone else thinks about “Burlesque”. My daughter and I both loved it and thoroughly enjoyed our girls night out to see it. I thought Christina once again showed why she is such a premier talent as she belted out the songs and Cher, well, she is just an icon.
I agree, “Showgirls” was camp but Elizabeth Berkley is no Christina and Gina Gershon is no Cher. I actually enjoyed the fact that “Burlesque” was not plagued with all of the unnecessary nudity “Showgirls” contained and liked the way they portrayed the lighter “naughty” aide of Burlesque instead of portraying the raunchiness many people believe is what Burlesque is all about.
I think the reviewer is just angry there wasn’t any T&A or rape violence for him to spank to … I’m sure that was a disappointment but there is no need to trash a perfectly good movie.
I guess comparing it to “Showgirls” isn’t all bad seeing as “Showgirls” earned back it’s budget and was a huge hit in rentals and in sales on VHS and DVD, becoming one of MGM’s top 20 all-time bestsellers. Also, it has been heralded by a number of critics and directors, including Quentin Tarantino.
So, even if “Burlesque” isn’t a huge box office success because today’s critics have no real sense of taste or idea of what the viewing audience may or may not enjoy, I have hopes that it will someday get it’s due credit as a good movie. I enjoyed “Burlesque” about as much as I enjoyed “Moulin Rouge” and “Chicago” which was quite a bit so to all the naysayers, I thumb my nose at you.
December 10th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
Oh Mathrew Fine or Marshall Fine or whatever your name is – dont be so MEAN – MEAN SPIRITED, hateful. Hateful you are – whether or not I agree with your opinion of the movie, which of course I do not, you dont need to be so hateful to another person in this world. What is the world coming to that you can sit and pontificate and make cruel slights about a person who is doing a job, for goodness sake. You can say, the story was old but you know there are only so many stories in this world – all the stories run on archetypes./ The tone of your review just broke my heart – you are putting yourself up by putting someone else down – very childish, very churlish and very unfortunate. Let’s try to get along – not cause discord and disharmony. Get a life, dude.
December 13th, 2010 at 9:57 am
I make it a rule not to let critics guide what I go to see. BURLESQUE was marvelous! I thought that Bob Fosse had come back to life to choreograph it! Everyone that I know who’s seen it loved it! The singing, dancing, costumes are wonderful! Cher looks and sounds terrific and Aguilera is a sensation! I have recommended it to many people who were very grateful and thoroughly enjoyed it! Critics with personal axes to grind shouldn’t be published! GO SEE IT!
January 22nd, 2011 at 6:27 am
‘Burlesque’-the movie, has NO “burlesque=Nudity” in it ! It also has NO credible script, NO acting worth watching, NO emotional tension necessary to storytelling. ‘Burlesque’ -the movie is cinematic crap so badly executed so should it’s makers.
It makes a bad movie like ‘Showgirls’ look downright sexy & glamourous!
Christina Aguilera is a huge bore & no doubt confused about her utter LACK of ANY credible genuine ACTING talent !
Cher,isn’t even Cher, without a decent intelligent script. DON’T WASTE YOUR irreplaceable TIME & MONEY on THIS c r a p !!!!!